Sunday, Not Saturday

F up royale - Gran Fondo is Sunday, not Saturday!

Fondo Course Details - Tour de Espresso

Knowing my computer skills can rival that of a 1 year old I am sure I botched the mapmyride.com link so here is a real brief summary -
From the house we will pedal to Long Lane for the first sprint (mile 2.5), through the cult like village Watchtower and then head over to the Alp. Then to 44/55 where you have the biggest climb of the ride to the Trapps bridge. Clove Road to High Falls and over to 209 where we stop for refills (this is the last water stop until mile 57) and of course being an MRC non race - ESPRESSO!!! With hands shaking we head north onto Tongore Road to Hurley to Ashokan. Here you will be treated to an incredible gorge crossing before licking your way up Beaverkill Road. Once at the end it's Northeast around the Ashokan for the second sprint (mile 43.5) and then to 28 where we head west, and the third sprint (mile 54.5) before a stop at the MRC's favorite espresso station - Gracie - where you can refill bottles. Across the Ashokan, onto the bike path and then the speed run down 213 to Stone Ridge. Over to High Falls where we have the option of a craft beer bar stop or a quick espresso/water bottle refill (mile 72) which is also the last water stop. Right before High Falls it is up the Vuelta like climb up Elling Road and then another fast run to New Paltz. If your thirst is up there is the optional Guilded Otter pint stop or onto Albany Post Road before getting onto 44/55 and into Gardiner. Then it's a nice 3 mile warm down before the BBQ.
Remember to bring towels and change of clothes, there is an outdoor shower under the deck. BBQ is beer, moar beer, even moar beer, oh yeah some burgers, dogs, potato salad and macaroni salad. See you Saturday!

Gran Fondo 2013 Route

As promised it will be kinder and gentler then in past years and finally it looks as though the weather gods are on our side with temps forecast in the mid 50's (remember 2012 - heat & 2011 - pouring rain)! The course features 92.88 miles of tain massaging rolling terrain with an elevation gain of only 2860'.
If I didn't totally fuck this up you can preview the course from the link below or go to www.mapmyride.com and look up MRC/NECS Gran Fondo 2013. Remember to bring a superio attitude and superior state of mind for the 8:30 rollout. Sprint points/beers will be awarded at 2.5mi, 43mi & 55mi with the 55 mile sprint being followed by a mandatory MRC espresso stop at Gracie.

Less Then A Beer A Day Away

Yes that is right, if you were to buy a six pack and drink a beer a day you would still have one on Gran Fondo day. Here are the lucky ones -

The Mayor
Top Chef
Braveheart
Mrs Top Chef
Raveinator
C-Dubbs
Obamador + 3
Brian Man of Steel
Senor Aguacaliente + 2
Rich The Masher
MacGyver
Chris Vohl
Kerri Martin
Bobby "Not Over 40 Miles"
My Cousin Vinny
Frank
Rob
Chuck

The Not Quite Wildcat 100

Stupid is as stupid does and sure enough stupid couldn't resist having another go at a farewell dirty century. That was mistake number one, mistake number two - despite the Bear Mtn Beatdown and Cinco de Mayo on the Alp - the only time I was in worse shape was for my first race and mistake number three - having never done it, thinking it could be fun to do this in the rain.

Knowing a lot of the area the WC100 sounded like a good time, a lap around Williams lake then onto the rail trail before hitting a lot of carriage roads (all that I knew really well) a big road climb (done that one dozens of times) shouldn't be too bad. Sure called that one wrong, after a good steady rain all night long Williams Lake was a muddy lactic acid filled conga line that dished out a wonderful helping of technical LT effort riding, an ideal way to warm up for a long day in the saddle. Add to that humidity running right at 100% yet not providing that cooling rain and it didn't take long to become a stinking pile of poly pu.

Finally escaping the hell of Williams Lake I was ready for some roads and freshly mowed fields to ride across before getting to my old training grounds at Monhonk and Minnewaska. Not quite so fast on that one, heading up the Keater Avenue climb rather then spinning it out on the rail trail for a few miles we were funneled into Larson's Loop. Never heard of it, had no idea it was there and when it is dry out I want to go ride it again but today fuck that, it was another long section of technical muddy that by the time it came to an end my thighs were so full of lactic acid the looked like these.

Half way to the first rest stop and I was almost out of fluids, planning for this one left a little something to be desired. And now it was onto the carriage roads and some long grinders. Normally this is where I love to ride but not now. Then the random thoughts started, maybe the 100k instead, just a little extra climbing and it would be a coast. Then reality set in, Larson's Loop and a climb back up to Williams Lake and god forbid some single track there and I started praying that Beth would be my parking saviour rather then bottle bitch. Struggling into the rest area with temps dropping and rain coming down hard it was a no brainer - either head down the 6 mile road descent and freeze my nuts off or have Beth pick me up and in 20 minutes it would be a hot shower and fine glass of red wine. I gave it about a nano second of thought and pulled the phone out and called for the rescue squad.

Well it appeared to have finally happened, after 18 successful 100s the streak was over. But alas I am saved by sloppy course markings and last minute course changes, it was only 92 miles - still 18 for 18 but definitely done with this.

Gran Fondo Time

Get the word out, less than 2 weeks to the event that started it all, the MRC/NECS Gran Fondo. Need to have an idea on who is coming so let me know by blog post or email so I have enough food and don't forget the exorbitant entry fee - a six pack (no PBR/Bud/Miller/etc). 5/26, 8:30 roll, Casa de C-Dubbs (668 Sand Hill, Gardiner).

Denied!

I heard of some dumb rules but I near sh*t myself when I read this one: The following race rules apply for the Wildcat Epic 100 MTB Race.

• 3. Bicycles
• 3.1.  Only Mountain Bikes (No cyclo-cross bikes please) in good working order will be allowed to start the race.

I mean let's be serious, if I am stupid enough to want ride a Cx bike for 100 miles then I should be allowed to. Just imagine all of those miles of trails with both arms shaking like they are jerking off a couple of elves and my taint taking a pounding like it was at Criss Angel's summer camp.

I have been spending a lot of time on that bike lately, my sore taint will avow to that, and after bombing the entire Alp d' Minnewaska in the drops and hitting 36mph on those 35s I was really pumped.  But all that has come to an end, thanks Captain Bringdown.

All is not lost, my trusty old friend will guide me to one fantastic party ride around the hood.

See you on the non race course this Saturday.

Gran Fondo's First Winner

Once again the astute non racer is constantly trolling the NECS/MRC blogs of choice tidbits of useless information and bulletins of upcoming non races. Today El-Obamador did just that and being the first to sign up will be rewarded with the coveted "I entered first and you douce bags didn't" growler.
The cracks are beginning to show in dam and we expect a torrent of entries to come flying in. Remember non race day is Sunday 5/26 with roll up at 8:15 in the man cave and roll out at 8:30 from Casa de C-Dubbs at 668 Sand Hill Rd. be there or f&*k off!

2013 Gran Fondo Non Racrs

El Obamador
MacGyver(aka Binky Boy)

Braveheart

Top Chef
Mrs Top Chef

C-Dubs
The Mayor
Chris Vohl

Gran Fondo Teaser

Who - The NECS/MRC (duh)

What - Gran Fondo, the grandest of the fondos

When - Sunday 5/26, roll out at 8:30am

Where - NECS/MRC Corporate Headquarters (668 Sand Hill Rd, Gardiner)

How - By registering through the comments section of this blog (bring friends) and applying superior translation skills

Why - Because this is THE original NECS/MRC non race event


Yes it is a scant 26 days until the non racing event of the season takes place - The NECS/MRC Gran Fondo. While Gran Fondoing is the newest rage to sweep the cycling community the NECS/MRC have been putting on this event since the days when lugged frame steel bikes were the only legal ride on the UCI circuit. Yes you will find Fondos featuring catchy write ups like this -


Campagnolo Gran Fondo New York is a 100-mile cycling challenge for 7,000 riders from over 70 countries on May 19, 2013. Closed roads and roads with police moderated traffic provide the platform for athletes who love to race, go for a personal best or finish before the cutoff time. The race starts in NYC on the most travelled bridge in the world, George Washington Bridge, closed to cars just for you. It travels north to beautiful Bear Mountain State Park and finishes after 100 miles and 7000ft of climbing in Weehawken, NJ facing the spectacular NYC skyline. (I mean seriously, we put in this much climbing in half the distance on the Bear Mountain Beatdown)


or this

The organization of Gran Fondo Giro d’Italia is managed by RCS Sport. RCS Sport is also the organizer of Giro d’Italia.RCS Sport is aware that, investing in sport today means speak to millions of people, fans, and athletes. This calls for an effective and emotional language able to catalyse all media, reach different targets, and build strong networks.Sport is a powerful medium. RCS Sport translates the energy of sport into business. (WTF, the MRC translates the energy of sport into a party)

but you will never find a Gran Fondo with more fun than this one. Unlike in past years where we braved pouring rain and blazing heat to conquer the summits of Peakamoose and Minnewaska to win the sacred KOM jersey this year it will be the kinder and gentler Gran Fondo. But don't be fooled, you had better bring your A game when it comes to sprinting because we will not be short on excitement as the argy bargy picks up for each of the 3 intermediate sprints with points (6, 4 & 2) for first (plus a large format beer), second and third. The action culminates in a final sprint carrying double points with the overall THC points classification winner taking home the Gran Fondo growler. Back at the HQ there will be the traditional post race BBQ and alcohol consumption that only those of superior state of mind and superior attitude should be ready to attend.

Line up, sign up and reenlist today because we need more schooling for more education for More Science High!

Gran Fondo - 26/5

Shocking isn't it how time flies when you are non racing. It seems like only yesterday that the Bear Mountain Beatdown was in the books but now get your chamois all hot and sweaty because it is Gran Fondo time! Sure there are bigger ones, ones with bigger stars and of course ones that cost a shitload more and offer a shitload less but one thing is for sure, none of them will offer the great time that past NECS Gran Fondos have (2011 & 2012).
Once again, for a measly six pack (or if you are feeling big a bottle of Tequila) you will be guided by the MRC board of directors around Ulster and Sullivan counties on some of our most cherished and secretive courses. This year instead of really putting the wood to with unrelenting climb after climb and a coup de grace up to Minnewaska parking lot we are offering a kinder and gentler Gran Fondo that will be littered with sprint points for the traditional growlers.
Stay tuned for more updates!

Time To Get Dirty (Century) Again

Right now I am sitting on the couch with a pile of snot rags and a sore, raw nose all the result of the infamous Bear Mountain Beatdown. Waiting at the top of Bear Mountain in the wind for 20+ minutes while John plied the Palisades Parkway in search of Woodbury Commons didn't help, but time to harden the f*#k up and get on with it.
Having sworn off the racing circuit doesn't mean one can't non race a race, which is what I fully intend to do at this year's Wildcat 100. I mean really, how can you pass up a NUE Series race when the start is 20 minutes from your house and the course gives you a bailout point less then a mile from home and a man cave full of IPAs. Being careful to protect the immune system from another round of Lyme's I have opted for the sit on the couch and eat bon bons training program but to make things really interesting I am going to let you, the esteemed well educated (compliments of this blog) cyclist vote on my ride for the event (a no I won't ride a f*#kin' TT bike, I just want to see how many jerks pick it) and you have the option to make multiple selections.
And with that I present the options -

The Wrist Snapper Singlespeed

The Tried & True Race Veteran

Cx Madness

Sheer Stupidity

Billy's Mother

Beaten But Not Down

The MRC/NECS non race season has officially started with the Bear Mountain Beatdown in the books. With the Amy Freeze inspired forecast calling for mid 40s with morning showers (of the non-golden variety) giving way to mostly cloudy skies there was a strong chance that only the most hardened of the troops would muster for the call to battle.
It was a clear signal participation would be light when the CDC arrived at the staging area looking to quarantine the group due to a severe case of Manginaitis sweeping the Orange County riding community. When presented with the our therapeutic use exemption (TUE) for Rifmancyclene the boys in the NBC Protective Suits put in the call to Pat McQuaid who officially signed off on the events UCI sanctioning.

Making the grade were El Obamador, C-Dubbs, Senor “if there’s beer at the end of the ride I’m in” Agua, Brian and John. For those that have paid attention to the ramblings of this venue of superior attitude and superior state of mind you are well versed in the antics of the 3 amigos but need to understand the mindset it takes to ride the Beatdown. Brian, along with El Obamador make up the Marine contingent of the group and you know El O has the ability to withstand hardships (Wilderness 101/Dark Horse 40 weekend of racing) but Brian, well he is a whole other animal. With temps hovering the the low 40s, damp/raw conditions and a good strong gusty wind out of the northwest that had us all slathered in embrocation and warm clothing this is how Brian rolls –

Rolling out of town we were cheered on by the masses lining the street of Cornwall

Before plunging down the descent to the Hudson River. Here we make the traditional stop to wave our manhood at the passing watercraft.

Brain running from our massive one-eyed trouser trouts

And this stop is critical for shedding every last gram of weight as just down the road is the sharp right onto Lower Mountain Road/Boulevard/Maple and the never ending, lung searing grinder to the summit at Storm King School (one of those fine private institutes of academia that welcome with open arms the offspring of Mercedes driving parents). Moving with the trend to gravel road riding El Obamador swapped the double climb/descent on 9W for a section through the  Black Rock Forest.

Our version of the Strade Bianchi included multiple stretches of Item #4 quality gravel that assured one of a taint massage like only Criss Angel would happily offer.

At the summit, in the middle of nowhere, we came across this unlikely pair

from the fine Borough of Queens (yes the same place Prince Akeem sought out his queen) doing maintenance on a Carbon Flux Capacitator. 

The first question they asked – “are you riding 23s?” (seriously we can’t make this shit up).

Surviving a downhill section better suited to a mountain bike (John was truly feeling at ease here) it was time for a pair of high speed winding descents to the town of Fort Montgomery where speeds topped 45mph. The big smiles at the bottom soon turned to looks of suffering as the Bear Mountain summit lay ahead.  At the base Senor Agua, El Obamador, Brian and C-Dubbs set off to inflict maximum pain while John smartly held back to conserve for the later half of the ride. The turn on to Jenkins saw Senor Agua and C-Dubbs off the back with Brian finally popping near the summit.

After regrouping at the summit, enjoying the view for awhile we realized John was MIA.

Quick call and it was confirmed, John had been sniffing Jenkem on the lower slopes, missed the turn onto Jenkins and was now well on his way to Woodbury Commons for some outlet mall shopping. We saddled up, tore ass down the upper slopes of Bear Mountain before jumping onto the Palisades Parkway and a big grinding climb up Route 6 that greeted up with a strong headwind. Here C-Dubbs did a spectacular impersonation of a lamprey

riding El Obamador’s wheel to the summit and ensuing descent into the US Military Academy at West Point where we encountered troop movement exercises and army grunts coming out of the woods in full battle gear and firearms.

A quick salute to our comrades and we continued the high speed descent through the gates of the academy and onto Storm King Highway.

Roadway climb.

Normally at this point everyone gives a high five as the climbing is over and it is a fast run to town and a well deserved beer. This time, just to make sure you got the beatdown you signed up for, another climb to the Storm King School was served up but this time it was straight up Mountain Road. This has to be about a 2 mile climb that is littered with sections (and not short ones) hitting close to 20 degrees. Brian “I’m so tough I eat glass for breakfast” crushed all comers, C-Dubbs (even with a brief rest in a driveway) managed to eek out second with Senor Agua and El Obamador carrying on a casual conversation the entire climb. John, well being new to the road was hitting PRs for distance and climbing, summited with a big shit eating grin.

At this point there was near mutiny when El Obamador suggested we head back down via Maple/Boulevard which included yet another short steep section that was sure to hurt the vertically challenged. Instead we opted to race the cars down 9W where cars were blowing by at 50-60 while we were in the mid 40s. Taking the exit at the bottom we arrived back at the parking lot with warm temps, sunny skies and the appropriate post ride beer (provided by our esteemed organizer) that summed up the day.

A debriefing on the days ride was held over burgers, pulled pork sandwiches and double IPAs. If you weren't there you missed another great one. See you at the Gran Fondo.

Take It Like A Man - Bear Mountain Beat Down Is Coming

It's just a few days away, and after all that climbing which one is it going to be for you?

Who, What, When, Where, Why

Who - The MRC/NECS, who the f*#k else would host something as phenomenal as this!

What - The Bear Mountain Breakdown

When - 4/20 DUH! 9:00am

Where - D&D parking lot - 45 Quaker Ave Cornwell, NY

Why - Why Not? Bring friends, the more the merrier

Are You Ready To Take A Beating?

Yes indeed my good friends and active participants in the exciting exploits of the NECS, spring is in the air, hormones are raging and the girls are showing their best. With the cherry blossoms coming out so to does the NECS Non Race Series kick off, and what better way to start the non season than with the infamous El Obamador organized Bear Mountain Beatdown.
Yes the ride will hurt, more then this -

and deep down, inside, you know this is just what you want, a good hurtful session with the rivet massaging your prostate as you struggle up the multiple ascents of the West Point region. To really make our season opening event a true NECS inspired ride we have carefully selected the date, 4/20, to honor the high priest of ancient Chinese scripture translation and allow everyone a day to recover before going back to the daily grind at the office.
Stay tuned for additional details on non start time and non race location, until then enjoy a few of the shots from last year's beating.

Operation Rapha

During a recent weekend get away with our asian cousin from Amsterdam, Mr Rifman, I managed to reach the end of the web. When I got there I had an epiphany and looked into the Rapha Gentlemen's Race in New Paltz. Well it was not to be, but there was one in the land where Washington led many a battle and river crossing - Trenton (what exit) NJ. Some quick research, a few secretive document passings from our contact at the Pentagon and we immersed the troops into an all out training program in preparation for our mission should the Executive Order come in.

Those of you familiar with the NECS philosophy, superior attitude/superior state of mind, know that we enjoy quality in cycling and quality in our partying. The Board of Directors have been known to warm the muscles with embrocation, flash a bit of Rapha clothing on the bike and even sport some of the haute couture available for everyday office wear.

Well we have scoured the ranks, run massive psychological interrogations and put each soldier through physical testing that could put the Seal BUDs course to shame, and all to ensure that we had the team that could pull off operation Rapha, that is should our application to the Rapha Gentlemen's Ride be accepted. You may ask just who are these men that are willing to risk life and limb to conquer the battlefields of Trenton in quest of the finish line, well these fine lads are the chosen few -

• Top Chef
• Infantile Tom
• C-Dubbs
• El Obamador
• Braveheart
• Paul Le Tour

Stay posted, to quote Phil Liggett, as we are "on the rivet" waiting to hear if the emperor of Rapha gives us the thumbs up or thumbs down.

Team Seagal R&D - Tire Education 101

Contrary to some opinions that the NECS merely a cesspool of jerkiness and mountain biking tomfoolery, our parent corporation, Team Seagal, has unleashed it's entire brain trust in a massive R&D program to educate the layman on just what choices one has in the rubber department - not this kind of rubber

but this kind of rubber.

Spearheading the effort is Nobel Prize winner and esteemed University of St. Louis tenured professor, Casey "Coach" Ryback. And here, for your reading and educational pleasure is Coach's master thesis - 

If you like to dork-out over some tire tech our Team Seagal test team (Scooter, Cockpunchor, Stove and Ttocs tested a shitload of tires over controlled conditions and rated them based on the results. I found some of the results very surprising, while some other results reinforced my already-held beliefs.

One not-very-surprising result that I noticed, was that the Crank Brothers tire with the cool anodization just fell apart and had to be warrantied after two test-runs.

The Campagnolo tire, regarded as the most beautiful tire, seemed to develop a better, more-supple, worn-in feel as the test went on - and it was also the only tire to have a user-replaceable bead and tread.

The Thomson Masterpiece tire showed absolutely no wear whatsoever, with the test-rider Friedrich noting that he expected that tire to outlast several wheels and frames.

The newcomer to the market, the Rivendell tire, a gumwall, was the only tire to actually utilize full steel-belting, despite weighing 13 pounds per tire. But as Grant Peterson said, "Steel is the only real material," and that only those racers on carbon race bikes need tires with cotton or nylon casings. The Rivendell tire was also the only tire to make it all the way to the "AR-15 rifle" stage of the puncture-resistance test, however the results are somewhat skewed as it is only available in a 650b size and therefore doesn't compare equally to the 700c size of the rest of the test tires. Mr. Peterson, in response to complaints about the extra weight of the steel belting, said he would consider producing a tires with a wool or even a tweed casing.

Cervelo's tire was unable to be tested, as it was delivered with severe cracking due to premature dry-rot, thus rendering it unsafe to ride.

The tire from Cannondale showcased a revolutionary and proprietary design that utilized a series of integrated needle bearings all around the tread, and actually surpassed all other tires in rolling resistance, however it only worked on Cannondale-branded rims, and the process to change the tire proved to be needlessly complex, requiring a proprietary tools and a Cannondale dealer to do the work.

Quintana Roo's tire seemed to provide better performance in wet conditions, specifically if those wet conditions were as a result of puddles of urine - so for the QR test, they set the test track up in the men's urine-trough at the nearby ballpark.

Neither the THM or Cipollini tires were able to be tested. We couldn't afford to get a hold of the THM tires for the test, and testers all agreed that they weren't cool enough to even get close to the Cipollini tires.