Girliemen Quit Your Whining!!!

I am hearing a lot of whining out there that the per lap non beer options are too stiff! What the hell do you expect, this is beer cross not your sister's sweet sixteen party, c'mon buck up and take it like man if you aren't going to drink. But to accommodate all of you nook suckers, I have changed the rules slightly and added an interesting one as well. Gone are the days of manly men chugging full PBRs each lap, now it goes like this -
- 45 minute race
- Alcohol consumption can be substituted for non drinkers - 1 cup of beer = 10x around the dizzy bat or 1 cup of eggnog, 3 sliders or eat one entire hot pepper
- Non Racers will be DSQed for not doing one of the options
- Serious racers will automatically be DSQed (this is a non race)
- No penalty for puking (in fact it could move you up in the overall standings)
- Costumes Mandatory – 10 minute or 3 beer penalty at the start for not wearing one the entire race (and if you come in kit and claim to be a racer I will personally piss on you)
- LeMans Start
- Mandatory beer/10x dizzy bat/12 oz eggnog/6 sliders/hot pepper prior to mounting bikes
- Mandatory cup of beer/10x dizzy bat/cup of eggnog/3 sliders/hot pepper per lap
- Dismounting mandatory at the Growler Barriers (2 beer/20x dizzy bat/12 oz eggnog/6 sliders per lap per barrier penalty for not dismounting)
- First across the finish line in the riding portion has to do a shot of tequila/20x dizzy bat/24 oz eggnog/8 sliders
- Winner is determined by fastest time/most beer/egg nog/slider/hot peppers consumed/best costume and race committee's discretion
The adjustments are subtle but are still well within the limits of what man/woman is capable of and have been fully tested by an authorized Underwriters Laboratory.Tables will be set up with prepoured allocations of the fine spirits, egg nog (yes we will provide a dash of nutmeg and rum if you so desire) and a microwave for those that require heated sliders.