With 5000+ acres of woods and singletrack you never know what you will encounter during the spring thaw. Usually it is the empty Budweiser cans and shot gun shells from the hunters and an occasional deer carcass with the arrow still embedded in it's side. Apparently, due to the recent storms raging through the New York metro area, a number of flights had been diverted to Stewart International and the increased noise had aroused numerous forest creatures early from their winter hibernation. As we pulled into the parking lot we caught sight of one rummaging through a pickup truck obviously mistaking a gold Niner singlespeed for a giant twinke. Startled at our arrival we caught this snap shot of the beast fleeing back into the wild.
After some police like investigative reviewing of the photo, the Mayor came to the conclusion that we had in fact startled the rarest of all backwoods animals - Mikesquatch. We were able to finally coax the startled beast out of the woods by opening several bottles of very hoppy IPA. Listening to a dialect that can only be described as a mix of Northern Canadian "Eh", Joe the Plumber wisdom and a dash of Liggett/Sherwin euphemisms we realized that in fact the hairy beast was the long lost Hawaiian Mike Davidson.It turns out that during a solo fall ride Mike had been kidnapped by a very lonely and horny female Sasquatch and she was determined to mate before going into hibernation.
Having mistaken his mop of hair, overwhelming physique and ability to take on the greatest of cougars (Katie Couric) in a mano-a-mano fight, for a male Sasquatch, poor Mike was spirited away to a winter of Sasquatch love. Aroused from a winter lovefest by the jets, Mikesquatch seized the opportunity and broke from the cave to return home and rekindle his love of the bike.Welcoming Mikesquatch back to the pack, we all set out to ride and clear the course for the upcoming Singlespeed-a-Palooza (the greatest singlespeed race on the East Coast). Well that winter of love and feeding on Sasquatch milk proved to be far superior to any training that the rest of us had done. Right from the start Mikesquatch was at the head of the pack and this time there was no mid ride nuclear explosion and the short cut back to the parking lot. No friends, he was up there torturing all of us with a blistering pace. Perhaps it was the Sasquatch milk (rumor has it that WADA research is indicating that the oxygen carrying capabilities of the milk is far superior to EPO) or just the fear of being dragged back into the cave for another session of animalistic love. Either way it was great to have the old Mike back in the fold sucking down countless cold yeasty malted beverages in the parking lot - a lot more then can be said for Friar Rossi who was off on a cruise on the Love Boat.
Hey Friar when you get to Fantasy Island listen carefully and you will here "Ze Boat, Ze Boat" and when you land say hello to Ricardo Montalban and Tatoou.
1 comment:
classic!!!!
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