-5 Degrees of Separation or Freezing Your Nuts Off on New Years

As the New Year's baby came screaming and crapping into 2009 the crew from Dark Horse Cycles had their own special celebration planned - the annual 01/01 singlespeed ride. Showing some mercy, the ride was scheduled to roll out of the parking lot at Stewart State Forest at 10:00 am. This would allow all involved to sober up, brew some strong Joe and bundle up for the brutality that was in store. With temps hovering near the 10 degree mark and the wind chill at a down right balmy -5 only the real (stupid) men made the call of the wild. It was going to be one of those days that inflicted maximum taint pain with the temps soooo cold the chamois butter became chamois brittle.

In what had to be the surprise of the New Year, Hawaiian Mike had confirmed for the ride. In his honor we suited up in our Don Ho shirts, rigged up the rides with the bottle cage flask of Del Maguay Agave

and had the hula girl dancing on the bars for the entire ride. The mere fact that this heavenly creature of the blue lagoon was able to put on a show in her hula attire for the entire 2 hour ride left us all speechless by the end.

Giving the benefit of the doubt to all invited (and assuming that the cold was playing havoc with car batteries and starters) we circled the lot like great whites coming in for the kill and waited a few extra minutes for Hawaiian Mike to arrive strumming the ukulele and crooning some Beach Boys classics. All of the waiting was for naught as Mike failed to show (more on this later). While we were all getting cold circling the lot that wily old dog George Z, who knew better, was firmly ensconced in the pickup making love to a growler of IPA.

Paul, the gourmet of the group, was giving the post ride pork tenderloin one final turn in the marinate. Then it was a round of shots from the flask and we were off to the races.

Mike Rave was leading the pack, cutting fresh tracks on the road and single track and locating all of the icy patches. Sadly the cold sucked all the life out of the battery and we were unable to catch the highlights that included everyone taking random tumbles on the ice hidden under the snow. In classic Sunday ride fashion I was making sure I got in a season's worth of crashes in the first couple of rides and was thrown to the mat numerous times like a child in a sumo match. The crash of the day award went to George when on the final descent he did his best impersonation of a lumber company clear cutting a forest of young saplings.

The entire ride was dominated by two trains of thought - how much longer are we going to suffer before hitting the keg and barbecue at Dark Horse Cycles and what had befallen the infamous Hawaiian Mike. These were the top five scenarios we imagined happening the Mike at this very moment -

Getting a round of spousal love

Out back "cleaning the barn"

Taking care of the Honey Dos

At the church praying for the opportunity to enjoy life again (i.e. ride bikes and drink beer with the guys)

Being the obedient husband

All joking aside the entire crew loves you Mike and we just wanted to let you know we missed you!