With the sun setting over the Nile and the Koranic verses coming from the minarets around Cairo, there was a news flash of such magnitude that news crews immediately headed for Cairo International Airport for the next flight to Newburgh. Using years of experience honed in Afghanistan, NECS freelance reporter Christine Amanpour pulled out her silver plated AK-47 (a gift from Hamid Karzi), held the rest of the investigative reporters at bay and landed this exclusive interview with the Mayor -
C.A. - Mr. Mayor,
Mayor - Christine you can drop the Mister part, like a supermodel I go by one name - Mayor!
C.A. - Sorry about that Mayor. Getting back to the important matters at hand. The recent protests in Cairo and Tunisia, what impact do you see this having both globally and for Dark Horse.
Mayor - Well old Hosni is learning what I have known for years, you can only suppress the masses for so long and then they rebel. Unless of course you have the massive dictatorial powers I have - the bike shop - then they are like putty in your hands. Globally, once the masses take over, since they are poor there is no way they will be driving, unless you are the lucky first 100 to get into the palace garage and steal one of the Bentleys. Therefore they will learn what the Chinese and Dutch have known for a long time, bikes rule. To position DH Cycles for the onslaught of demand I have secured the next 5 years of production from Taiwan and through my connections at Al-Jazeera have set up a web based distribution network to cover the sub Saharan and Middle Eastern markets.
C.A. - Dark Horse, at first sight appears to be a modest operation, fully capable of handling the demands for roadies and mountain bikers from the region. How do you plan to ramp up operations for such a global project?
Mayor - Two words - Raveinator & Coffee. Combine these two and you have more power then a 3 megaton thermonuclear device.
C.A. - But is a wired up Raveinator all you need, how will the shop handle the volume of assembly?
Mayor - Well Christine, it was a tough decision but it came down to bikes or booze and in a moment of delirium I picked bikes and tossed the kegerator out the back door. Right now with the cold weather it isn't an issue, put'em in the snow in the morning and they are ready for consumption later in the day. Now later in the year I could be singing the blues but I live for the moment. Speaking of which, hey Raveinator can you get me a beer. Besides the kegerator has a great new home with Top Chef.
C.A. - Is there any truth to the rumors that DH Racing will adopt an Islamic influence, giving up alcohol and having women riders in burkas?
Mayor - Yeah right, give up alcohol! What drugs are you doing? As for the burka thing well that could be a bit more interesting, it will add a bit of mystery to the team and we could even sneak a ringer into the women's class. Speaking of giving up alcohol, hey Raveinator, can you make sure that kegerator gives up another beer to me ASAP. I don't want to see anything extra in that six barrel by the time this interview is over. Hey Christine, you prefer a regular or pint glass?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Economic Recovery Spurs Crisis At Dark Horse Cycles
It has been a very trying couple of years for our country. Everyone, well most everyone, has had to tighten the belts and pull back from using the house as a piggy bank to fund a lifestyle. Well in the words of Bob Dylan, the times they are a changin' and for some of us that might not be a such a great thing while for others it is a really good thing.
Over the years everyone become callous to various comments made, after all talk has is, has and always will be cheap. But today my good friends, I was caught completely off guard - on several fronts. Our spiritual guru and guiding light, the Mayor, was back from a recent trip to the sunny desert of Arizona for a bit of racing. Seems our good Mayor was hit with a bad case of the flat tire blues, loosing his first to a cactus needle and the second to a faulty tube. Then, in a way that was almost so subtle you could easily miss it, the Mayor mentioned that "if I had only used Stan's". Now these words are right up there with a Republican saying "sure, it's time to hike taxes on the rich" or a Democrat saying "let's cut spending on social programs and go with a flat tax", things so sacred people never thought they would ever be uttered.
Then in the interests of the ever expanding business at Dark Horse, the Mayor came out with the phrase no one would have ever bet against. Seems with the increasing volumes of business, the Mayoral one has had his hands full fixing and assembling bikes. Despite the brand new shop it was already time for an expansion in the work area. Then out they came, with almost the same relaxed attitude as Stan's, the words we all thought could not be spoken - "the kegerator is gone, I needed more room in the shop". I mean what the hell is he thinking, get rid of the kegerator to make room for work, clearly the Mayor was still suffering from a severe case of Arizona sunstroke. Our crack reporter will be back with an exclusive interview with the Mayor.
Over the years everyone become callous to various comments made, after all talk has is, has and always will be cheap. But today my good friends, I was caught completely off guard - on several fronts. Our spiritual guru and guiding light, the Mayor, was back from a recent trip to the sunny desert of Arizona for a bit of racing. Seems our good Mayor was hit with a bad case of the flat tire blues, loosing his first to a cactus needle and the second to a faulty tube. Then, in a way that was almost so subtle you could easily miss it, the Mayor mentioned that "if I had only used Stan's". Now these words are right up there with a Republican saying "sure, it's time to hike taxes on the rich" or a Democrat saying "let's cut spending on social programs and go with a flat tax", things so sacred people never thought they would ever be uttered.
Then in the interests of the ever expanding business at Dark Horse, the Mayor came out with the phrase no one would have ever bet against. Seems with the increasing volumes of business, the Mayoral one has had his hands full fixing and assembling bikes. Despite the brand new shop it was already time for an expansion in the work area. Then out they came, with almost the same relaxed attitude as Stan's, the words we all thought could not be spoken - "the kegerator is gone, I needed more room in the shop". I mean what the hell is he thinking, get rid of the kegerator to make room for work, clearly the Mayor was still suffering from a severe case of Arizona sunstroke. Our crack reporter will be back with an exclusive interview with the Mayor.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Saturday Snow Shoveling Shit Show
Old Chinese proverb - He who has flat roofed house shovel lots of snow. And how true, today was another marathon session totaling 6:38 of shovel time followed with spreading 1000lbs of salt and loading/unloading a resupply of 600lbs.
It was this depth over 2400 sq ft
And it made a pile this high after I cleared the man cave roof
Then I did what any sane person would - finished it off with an Oxycodine (yes it is my scrip) washed down with a shot of Del Maguey and finished off with a Corona. Finally after an hour I am beginning to get a bit numb.
It was this depth over 2400 sq ft
And it made a pile this high after I cleared the man cave roof
Then I did what any sane person would - finished it off with an Oxycodine (yes it is my scrip) washed down with a shot of Del Maguey and finished off with a Corona. Finally after an hour I am beginning to get a bit numb.
Friday, February 4, 2011
New East Coast Syndicate Under Investigation By WADA/Novitsky For Doping
A U.S. federal probe into doping in cycling involving C-Dubs former team, The New East Coast Syndicate, may be slowed by legal hurdles in pursuing the inquiry in Amsterdam, sports lawyers said.
Former rider Raveinator is among three Dark Horse racers who knew the inside of the NECS team led by C-Dubs who said they haven’t been questioned by investigators now focused on American witnesses.
Jeff Novitzky, a Food and Drug Administration special agent, interviewed ex-rider Hawaiian Mike, according to Mikesquatch's wife, Mistress Betsy.
“It will be very difficult to get an arrest warrant” outside the U.S. because in Amsterdam doping isn’t seen as a serious crime but rather a social event, Ingmar Dogman, chairman of the Netherlands Association for Sport and Law, said from his favorite coffee shop, De Dampkring. “They can always ask to talk to waitress but there’s no legal obligation.”
Floyd Landis, stripped of his 2006 Tour de France title for doping, said in a May 1 e-mail to USA Cycling Chief Executive Officer Bob O'Pedic that he saw C-Dubs engage in "extracurricular activities" outside his cabin at the Cohutta 100 in 2008. C-Dubs, 53, and the team’s sports director The Mayor, say Landis’s claims aren’t credible. They deny any wrongdoing.
When caught by reporters leaving the Hip Preservation Center at the Hospital for Special Surgery, C-Dubs was evasive when questioned what procedure he was involved in. A subsequent search of the medical disposal bin turned up several syringes with DNA matches to C-Dubs. Under further questioning by Agent Novitsky, C-Dubs insisted that he is only being treated for a hip condition and has not failed any drug tests and when confronted with evidence of a cortisone steroid residue on in the syringe he responded "I have never knowingly taking performance enhancing drugs". Asked to explain why he no longer had a slight limp C-Dubs simply snapped "shoe lifts for men" and stormed off to the waiting stretch limo.
You can bet this felt good going right into the hip joint!
Former rider Raveinator is among three Dark Horse racers who knew the inside of the NECS team led by C-Dubs who said they haven’t been questioned by investigators now focused on American witnesses.
Jeff Novitzky, a Food and Drug Administration special agent, interviewed ex-rider Hawaiian Mike, according to Mikesquatch's wife, Mistress Betsy.
“It will be very difficult to get an arrest warrant” outside the U.S. because in Amsterdam doping isn’t seen as a serious crime but rather a social event, Ingmar Dogman, chairman of the Netherlands Association for Sport and Law, said from his favorite coffee shop, De Dampkring. “They can always ask to talk to waitress but there’s no legal obligation.”
Floyd Landis, stripped of his 2006 Tour de France title for doping, said in a May 1 e-mail to USA Cycling Chief Executive Officer Bob O'Pedic that he saw C-Dubs engage in "extracurricular activities" outside his cabin at the Cohutta 100 in 2008. C-Dubs, 53, and the team’s sports director The Mayor, say Landis’s claims aren’t credible. They deny any wrongdoing.
When caught by reporters leaving the Hip Preservation Center at the Hospital for Special Surgery, C-Dubs was evasive when questioned what procedure he was involved in. A subsequent search of the medical disposal bin turned up several syringes with DNA matches to C-Dubs. Under further questioning by Agent Novitsky, C-Dubs insisted that he is only being treated for a hip condition and has not failed any drug tests and when confronted with evidence of a cortisone steroid residue on in the syringe he responded "I have never knowingly taking performance enhancing drugs". Asked to explain why he no longer had a slight limp C-Dubs simply snapped "shoe lifts for men" and stormed off to the waiting stretch limo.
You can bet this felt good going right into the hip joint!
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