Sunday, November 21, 2010

6 Hours Of Cathedral Pines -Sweet Singletrack Leads To The Top Of The Box

There are a lot of things that get the NECS excited about riding but the prospect of extracting one's self from the confines of a really warm bed to go out in 40 degree windy weather (praise Allah it was sunny) and race for 6 hours is not one of them. What did make this tolerable (like a coffee & Kahlua for breakfast after a big bender) was the promise of a 10 mile lap of nothing but buff singletrack with only 300' of climbing per lap and knowing that when it was all over I could begin to focus my training on Beer Cross and Cxmas by drinking copious amounts of alcoholic beverages.
In the world of real estate it is location, location, location and it is not much different when racing the clock. The last thing you want is a shitty pit position by the Port-O-John where the stench of every rider's deposit is lingering there for your aromatic pleasure lap after lap. With that in mind Mrs C-Dubs and I set off for Cathedral Pines about the time that smart vampires are heading home. Well the payoff was big and we slotted the Audi assault vehicle right next to the exit from the timing stations ensuring that a)stops would be fast, b) the Mrs (when not riding) would be performing her role as world class bottle bitch and c)the chance for some good pictures as we came out of the timing station would be high. Not to mention getting there early ensured no waiting in the cold registration line and first shot at the goth themed hoodys and hats (decorated in skulls)the boys from Something Wicked Endurance Racing had to offer to keep you warm.
250 riders, a mass start, less then 1/2 mile to the trail head entrance and 10 miles of twisting singletrack ahead meant only one thing - the entrance into the woods on the first lap was going to be akin to stuffing 20 lbs. of shit into a 5 lb bag. To prevent being a part of the pile o' poo, Muttonchops, Senor Agua, MacGyver and I all slotted into the second row while Mrs. C-Dubs opted to head to the back and get a good laugh watching the ensuing chaos. The gun went off and suddenly it was a mad dash up the opening road climb with riders doing anything to get on the front. Maybe it's the lap format or that most of the riders are from the XC discipline that drives this mentality (as opposed to the 100 milers which roll out at a casual pace for a long day in the saddle) of jostling for every last position in the first 3 minutes of a 6 hour event, but whatever it is I joined in and made the entrance into the woods before the big steaming pileup arrived. The jam ups continued over the first couple of miles where all the climbing took place and once over the top of the third climb Senor Agua and MacGyver put the wood down and disappeared into the distance as I settled into my zone with Muttonchops right behind. Mrs C-Dubs, this being her first foray into pure singletrack riding was in a class of her own at the back taking in the scenery and just having a down right good time.
By the third lap I had caught Senor Agua who was having a tough go with the ever loosening EBB and the resulting chain drops.Muttonchops, not having raced since the Dark Horse 40 was lifting off the accelerator and planning the fourth lap landing in his folding chair to take in the rest of the race and on the sixth lap I caught up to MacGyver who politely upped the pace until there was a good passing area (and on this course they were as rare as a virgin on Rock of Love).
Crossing the line for the sixth time at 5:15 into the race I knew it was the final lap. Having learned at the 628 Challenge, compliments of Mr Monte Montalbano, just how deep one can really reach when needed, I took the bottle hand off from Mrs C-Dubsand sped off into the setting sun for my final lap, slipping off my fastest time by only 2 minutes. Based on the previous year's times and a course that was billed as harder, I crossed the line in 6:09 feeling pretty comfortable on taking the win, headed to the car and toweled off before changing into some warm clothes.
In a true Alzheimer's moment I then realized I had failed to pack any fine yeasty malted beverages for the post race celebration and a quick check of the finish area showed no beer being served. Finally a couple hours after the last rider was in and we witnessed this beautiful sunset.I then realized what happened to the beer - clearly the organizers had done their best to consume all of it before the race was over and must have succeeded because it took 2 hours to post the computerized results and another hour to finally hand out the hardware. In the end both C-Dubs and the Mrs took home top honors in the Master's class, well worth the wait for these kick ass medals!Unless of course your skill sets were good enough to get one of these at the Dark Horse 40.With hardware in hand and the Mrs. behind the wheel we set off for the casa de C-dubs where it was an immediate bacchanalian orgy (who the hell wants food after all that riding - bring on the wine!) where our consumption rate would have challenged even David Hasselhoff to keep up. Now on to some real important races - Beer Cross and then off to St. Louis for the infamous Team Seagal Cxmas!

Mrs C-Dubs Rules MastersC-Dubs Taking Top Honors In Masters

Friday, November 19, 2010

Don't Be A Loser

Do you really want to show up for the Sunday rides and have everyone that was intelligent enough to register for Beer Cross to flash you with this gang symbol -Because if you don't get in now you will seeing a lot of that sign from these intelligent registrants
#1 - Senor Agua
#2 - Braveheart
#3 - Raveinator
#4 - Infantile Tom
#5 - Anonymous Special Guest Rider
#6 - Tom "Hobo Slayer" Hill
#7 - Obamador
#8 - Jocelyn Linscott
#9 - Mike Montalbano
#10 - Another Anonymous Special Guest Rider
#11 - Jim Boyd
#12 - Bunny Rabbit (so excited he registered twice!)
#13 - Jeff Baringer (friend and lover of the bunny)
#14 - John Vicari
#15 - Adam James
#16 - Mikesquatch
#17 - Siren of Stewart
#18 - John Delavalle
#19 - Chris Vohl
#20 - BR Delaney
#21 - Tom Pannorfi
#69* - C-Dubs
#420* - Top Chef
#El Jefe* - The Mayor
* - Limited edition spokecards are not indicative of the total number available

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Beer Cross News Flash

Rumors are sweeping the country that Mike "Mikesquatch" Davidson (a.k.a. Hawaiian Mike) is poised to come out of retirement for one final fling on a bike at this year's Beer Cross. Immediately the New East Coast Syndicate dispatched ace reporter George "The Mayor" Zubalsky for this rare one-on-one interview at CBS studios with Mike's favorite cougar.

Mayor - "So Katie, what finally prompted Mike to come out of retirement for Beer Cross?"

Katie the Cougar - "I agreed to let him out of the cougar den for this one last fling with all of you beer guzzling children provided he agreed to tongue massage my feet after every broadcast"


Mayor - "Did Mike have to give it much thought"

Katie - "The yes answer came out of his mouth faster then shit out of a goose's ass. He kept mumbling something about mama bring me another Dale's, baby wants to have some fun"

Mayor - "Do you have any concerns that Mike might flee the den and take up residence in the storage shed at Dark Horse"

Katie - "Why would he? I provide him with an NYC penthouse, a ball gag and an unlimited supply of Depends for those days when I have to work late."

Mayor - "Well you would think the opportunity to drink copious amounts of PBRs and Dale's with his cycling buddies could lead him astray"

Katie the Cougar - "Not a chance, my boys down at Langley have inserted a tracking device where the sun don't shine so there isn't a chance in hell that my little cub is going to get away from mama. In fact as soon as I drag his sorry ass back home he's going to give me the foot licking of my life and then it is off on a cruise from heaven - cougar cruise

Mayor - "I have to admit that sounds pretty tasty, I mean the cruise, not your feet. Any room for me?"

Cougar - "F' off, grow some love handles like my, prrrrrrrr, cub and I might consider it, otherwise beat it and go play with your bikes."

How To Win Beer Cross

If you can beat this you will be declared the winner!
This has nothing to do with beercross except for the beer but we really liked it.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Non Rules Amendment

Here at the NECS we are not a bunch of stubborn old race organizers/rule makers, in fact we are always looking for new and creative input to make hallmark events like Beer Cross a cult classic right up there with Rocky Horror Picture Show, Eraserhead and all the Steven Seagal movies. And how do we (I) do this, by listening to the fans that make it happen. So with that I bring you the latest "per lap option" at Beer Cross - HOT PEPPERS!!!! At the behest of one Hobo Slayer, there will be a bowl of hot peppers at the pit stop and you can elect to make one of these your choice for the lap. I have to complement Hobo Slayer since hot peppers tend to make people consume lots of fluids to calm the heat which means either beer or eggnog - choose carefully!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Girliemen Quit Your Whining!!!

I am hearing a lot of whining out there that the per lap non beer options are too stiff! What the hell do you expect, this is beer cross not your sister's sweet sixteen party, c'mon buck up and take it like man if you aren't going to drink. But to accommodate all of you nook suckers, I have changed the rules slightly and added an interesting one as well. Gone are the days of manly men chugging full PBRs each lap, now it goes like this -
- 45 minute race
- Alcohol consumption can be substituted for non drinkers - 1 cup of beer = 10x around the dizzy bat or 1 cup of eggnog, 3 sliders or eat one entire hot pepper
- Non Racers will be DSQed for not doing one of the options
- Serious racers will automatically be DSQed (this is a non race)
- No penalty for puking (in fact it could move you up in the overall standings)
- Costumes Mandatory – 10 minute or 3 beer penalty at the start for not wearing one the entire race (and if you come in kit and claim to be a racer I will personally piss on you)
- LeMans Start
- Mandatory beer/10x dizzy bat/12 oz eggnog/6 sliders/hot pepper prior to mounting bikes
- Mandatory cup of beer/10x dizzy bat/cup of eggnog/3 sliders/hot pepper per lap
- Dismounting mandatory at the Growler Barriers (2 beer/20x dizzy bat/12 oz eggnog/6 sliders per lap per barrier penalty for not dismounting)
- First across the finish line in the riding portion has to do a shot of tequila/20x dizzy bat/24 oz eggnog/8 sliders
- Winner is determined by fastest time/most beer/egg nog/slider/hot peppers consumed/best costume and race committee's discretion
The adjustments are subtle but are still well within the limits of what man/woman is capable of and have been fully tested by an authorized Underwriters Laboratory.Tables will be set up with prepoured allocations of the fine spirits, egg nog (yes we will provide a dash of nutmeg and rum if you so desire) and a microwave for those that require heated sliders.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Beer Cross 2010 Spokecards/Party Favors

As my good friends and fellow warriors of the midwest can attest, spokecards are a highly prized commodity and not cheap to produce - you know how much beer the Mayor requires for laminating these babies, a lot and it has to be good. Keep in mind there is a limited number of these bad boys to go around so I don't want you crying like MacGyver at 628 if you don't register in time to procure what will be the dominate race number on your wall. I won't tell you how many there are to go around but it's not a lot and the slots are filling fast (and no special, that number makes me ride better, requests). To date the following astute collectors of riding memoriabilia have been assured of ownership -

#1 - Senor Agua
#2 - Braveheart
#3 - Raveinator
#4 - Infantile Tom
#5 - Anonymous Special Guest Rider
#6 - Tom "Hobo Slayer" Hill
#7 - Obamador
#8 - Jocelyn Linscott
#9 - Mike Montalbano
#10 - Another Anonymous Special Guest Rider
#11 - Jim Boyd
#12 - Bunny Rabbit (so excited he registered twice!)
#13 - Jeff Baringer (friend and lover of the bunny)
#14 - John Vicari
#15 - Adam James
#16 - Mikesquatch
#69* - C-Dubs
#420* - Top Chef
#El Jefe* - The Mayor
* - Limited edition spokecards are not indicative of the total number available

Race Day Schedule
9:00 - Meet at Dark Horse Cycles for preride PBR
9:15 - Rollout for prerace road ride (race bikes and costumes mandatory on ride)
10:30 - Prerace meeting & start getting shithoused
10:45 - LeMans start
11:15 - Race ends
11:30 - Judges decision and awards ceremony

In addition to the spoke cards we want to ensure there is enough fine, tasty PBR, Egg Nog or sliders for everyone to slam down their pieholes each lap. And of course once your done puking your guts out we want to make sure there is a big enough hero and plenty of pasta to refill your empty stomachs. So get out there and respond either by email or blog comment to secure your number and help us figure out just how big a party to plan for. No using the childern as an excuse not to come, we will supply dog cages and a radiator with leashes to tie the kids up and to. Currently negotiations are progressing with Katie Couric to come and cover the event so there is an obscure chance that Mikesquatch might be released from the dungeon to come play.