Sunday, January 11, 2009

New East Coast Syndicate January Stud Muffin Pinup

For all of you that are in need of new wallpaper for your computer the New East Coast Syndicate is happy to offer our Stud Muffin of the Month download. The first ever wallpaper pinup features Clydesdale class racer MacGyver, seen here showing that his muscles are impervious to the cold.

The Hawaiian Mike Memorial Ride

Okay fans of the New East Coast Syndicate, you now get to see just how stubborn the Dark Horse Cycles Sunday Single Speed riders can be. Not having learned our lesson after the New Year's Day nut freezer ride we waited for yet another day of optimal conditions before setting out for more adventure in the secret forests of Stewart State Park.
As always heading the pack was the Mayor of MTA, George Zublasky, this time sans thong and single speed. In close pursuit was Shop Sidekick, Mike Rave, who was sporting a fine set of fire breathing dragon rotors on his new scandium Niner. With 5" of fresh powder on top of the base layer (which consisted of 3" of snow/slush followed by nights of 20 degree weather to help put down a solid ice layer). The Mayor had made the smart choice and went with full gears and never has MTA seen so much riding in Granny gear. Shop Sidekick and I opted for the single speeds and would later pay for such a foolish choice.
Right on the Mayor's wheel was MacGyver Webb on the Titus Hell Rider. After casting eyes on my flask holder, MacGyver broke out the slide rule and determined that could reproduce the finely crafted aluminum holder in a matter of 27.24 hours - something that none of us doubted after seeing the awesome basement special Flesh Shredder tires he had created after pulling an all nighter with a keg in his lab/machineshop. At least MacGyver was kind enough to grind off the tips of the screws to avoid inflicting bodily harm on any unsuspecting riders.
Despite the conditions there is nothing better then looking down the trail and seeing a sight like this - virgin tracks!!!!
Here is the Mayor showing everyone how to lay it down in the woods 
and then showing everyone the physique you too can develop with the 12 oz. curl workout
By this time you all might be asking, why the hell is this article entitled the "Hawaiian Mike Memorial Ride"? Well sports fans we have pictures for you that are rarer then an image of Sasquatch, they are shots of Hawaiian Mike's spirit out for a Sunday ride with the crew.

Hawaiian Mike busting trail at the start of the day
and after the ride enjoying a fine yeasty malted beverage with the crew

Sunday, January 4, 2009

-5 Degrees of Separation or Freezing Your Nuts Off on New Years

As the New Year's baby came screaming and crapping into 2009 the crew from Dark Horse Cycles had their own special celebration planned - the annual 01/01 singlespeed ride. Showing some mercy, the ride was scheduled to roll out of the parking lot at Stewart State Forest at 10:00 am. This would allow all involved to sober up, brew some strong Joe and bundle up for the brutality that was in store. With temps hovering near the 10 degree mark and the wind chill at a down right balmy -5 only the real (stupid) men made the call of the wild. It was going to be one of those days that inflicted maximum taint pain with the temps soooo cold the chamois butter became chamois brittle.
In what had to be the surprise of the New Year, Hawaiian Mike had confirmed for the ride. In his honor we suited up in our Don Ho shirts, rigged up the rides with the bottle cage flask of Del Maguay Agave
and had the hula girl dancing on the bars for the entire ride. The mere fact that this heavenly creature of the blue lagoon was able to put on a show in her hula attire for the entire 2 hour ride left us all speechless by the end.
Giving the benefit of the doubt to all invited (and assuming that the cold was playing havoc with car batteries and starters) we circled the lot like great whites coming in for the kill and waited a few extra minutes for Hawaiian Mike to arrive strumming the ukulele and crooning some Beach Boys classics. All of the waiting was for naught as Mike failed to show (more on this later). While we were all getting cold circling the lot that wily old dog George Z, who knew better, was firmly ensconced in the pickup making love to a growler of IPA.
Paul, the gourmet of the group, was giving the post ride pork tenderloin one final turn in the marinate. Then it was a round of shots from the flask and we were off to the races.
Mike Rave was leading the pack, cutting fresh tracks on the road and single track and locating all of the icy patches. Sadly the cold sucked all the life out of the battery and we were unable to catch the highlights that included everyone taking random tumbles on the ice hidden under the snow. In classic Sunday ride fashion I was making sure I got in a season's worth of crashes in the first couple of rides and was thrown to the mat numerous times like a child in a sumo match. The crash of the day award went to George when on the final descent he did his best impersonation of a lumber company clear cutting a forest of young saplings.
The entire ride was dominated by two trains of thought - how much longer are we going to suffer before hitting the keg and barbecue at Dark Horse Cycles and what had befallen the infamous Hawaiian Mike. These were the top five scenarios we imagined happening the Mike at this very moment -
Getting a round of spousal love
Out back "cleaning the barn"
Taking care of the Honey Dos
At the church praying for the opportunity to enjoy life again (i.e. ride bikes and drink beer with the guys)
Being the obedient husband
All joking aside the entire crew loves you Mike and we just wanted to let you know we missed you!